Wrong Grave

Here is a story in the Dayton Daily News this morning that represents how serious miscommunication might happen during times of mourning. Until I read the whole story, I was hesitant to write this post (yes, I am biased).

I have already written what are my two cents. That will be published tomorrow morning. I'd like to hear what you have to say without my bias being included.

I should add that I do not know any of the persons involved personally and that I have nothing to gain or lose regardless how the end result is decided.


98 words

Don't Let This Happen to You

Two of my favorite posts this year from my own blog, I responded to one of Randy Seaver's SNGF posts, "Who Do I Blame?". I followed that one up with "Who Do I Blame for Not Starting Sooner?". One thing I did not mention in those posts because I was unable to think of some of the dialogue I wanted to convey is, "Don't Let This Happen to You".  Another one of the many reasons I do genealogy and why do I write these blogs is to think of and relay some of the things going on in my life and some things that have happened to some of my ancestors that I hope my descendants won't have to experience. Up until yesterday, I was thinking specifically of some addictions that are not necessarily genetic, but seem to be running rampant in my family. I'm specifying of alcoholism and nicotine addictions. My father and all of his brothers were alcoholics; then there is nicotine... Many, many of my ancestors smoked cigarettes. That addiction has me by the throat and won't let go. I previously wanted to write more about these addictions but still haven't felt all of the words come through. Recent discussion with a doctor, referred me to a movie of all things. The Insider, starring Russell Crowe and Al Pacino. Good flick, watch it; especially if you are nicotine addicted. For now, all I have to say about nicotine is, if you don't start, you won't have to worry about how hard it will be for you to quit. I know, I know. You are already smoking and you say "you can quit any time you want to". Well, 30 years ago, I said I can quit if I want to and ... Sorry. Addictions are not the point in writing this post.

My point in writing this post today is that hopefully my descendants will read and understand, "Don't let this Happen to You". Sometimes when you get a signal or even just maybe a gut feeling that something is wrong, go check it out!

Earlier this week, the tire sensor light came on in my car. Isn't it wonderful that the newer cars have indicators to tell you when your tire is going flat? In the olden days, vehicles didn't even have turn signals. You had to stick your arm out of the window to indicate turning. Anyway, I did not ignore the tire sensor light, but did put it on the back burner for what turned out to be tooooo looooong! Yesterday, I was on I-75 and headed to the library when my tire blew. I was very lucky. I had a tire blow before and wasn't going as fast as I was yesterday and with less traffic. That other blowout felt more horrific than this one did. Fortunately, by the grace of God, I was in the right hand lane yesterday and rush hour traffic was slowing down to where I had no choice but to slow down also.

My point in writing this post is not about the tire or my near miss, but simply to pass on what I hope is another lesson in life. Anytime that you get into and behind the wheel of yours or anybody else' vehicle, if you or that vehicle are not 100%, your life is at risk. Even if you and the vehicle are 100%, your life is still at risk for the other drivers, all of their circumstances and anything else that you cannot control. I request beg and plead that you constantly consider your safety and security as you go throughout your day to day activities. Frequently, I think about my Grandma Clara, when she used to say her prayers at night and she would repeat the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I said, I frequently think about that prayer and I should also mention that I don't think about it as often as I think I should. I may not have been able to control that blowout happening yesterday but I could have taken just a few moments to look at the tire earlier this week.



Let me pass on another lesson learned while I'm at it. While I was at the tire shop today, I asked the young man if there was an extra charge for disposal. He said, $2. I said jokingly, "Great, cause if it were much more, I'd have to take that tire and ditch it on the side of the road". His response, "Yea I always tell my customers you can pay me $2 or take a chance you won't get caught when you ditch it. That will cost you a $5000 fine". Pay the $2. Or even if it were $5, It's still insurance that the tire is taken care of and you are not arrested.

As a closing thought, my Uncle Elmer used to always say, "I hope you have a safe and prosperous New Year".

My New Library Cards

I have recently moved from Ohio to Kentucky. I actually moved several months ago but had not changed my address until recently for legal reasons. Anyway during the transition, I have found most of the libraries in Boone County and Kenton County Kentucky. They have reciprocal agreements, and I was able to get library cards with both of them. See? During my inaugural visit to one of the Boone County Libraries, I was visiting during the after school hour. This specific branch library is really close to an elementary, junior high and a high school. Since the library is pretty small and with just a few patrons, the tables were nearly full. Through my browsing, I find the genealogy section. It was down the left aisle on the left photo. Genealogy books are on the left side near the bottom. I had already seen that there was a side chair near one of the windows. See the chair in the last photo? The chair is near the opposite end of the same aisle where the genealogy books are. The opposite end


of the same aisle is the first aisle on your right across from the chair. I was scanning through a couple of reference books I had not seen and another one that is area specific: A Guide to Genealogical Resources in Cincinnati & Hamilton County, Ohio.

I looked up from where I was sitting in the chair and whatever book I happened to be scanning at that moment. I was in deep thought about whatever tidbit I had just read. I didn't look up to look at anything, I was just thinking. Looking up, I did see a poster, but had not focused on it. See the poster in the last photo? Reading some more, I looked up again, this time I happened to focus on the poster. Guess who is in the poster? If you have never seen the poster before, I'm going to hold you for a few more moments. I wish I could show you the poster full front, but of course I cannot because of copyright. When I looked up at the poster the second time, those eyes were looking right at me. And that billion dollar smile... I studied the poster some from where I was sitting to the left and then got up and walked over to the end of the genealogy aisle on the other side of the poster. He's still looking straight at me. I went back to my original position, yep he's still looking straight at me. That photographer is goooooood! I wondered how did he do that? OK, for those of you who have spent just a few incidences on my blog, probably know who it is. Those who haven't, give me one more minute. What is the caption of the poster? I think you can see that. READ. He is holding a book and what book is it? Dr. Suess' Green Eggs and Ham. Are you ready for the reveal? The sub-caption says, "Denzel Washington for America's Libraries". I am just a fan.

A Rock

To you, it's a rock. To me, it's a piece of the Berlin Wall. I was in Germany from November 1989 to October 1990. The Berlin Wall fell in August 1989. I didn't get this piece myself, someone went to Berlin and brought me this piece and another smaller one with some paint on it. Sad news is, that I didn't have it authenticated. Give me a break, I wasn't doing genealogy then. Daryl, if you Ever see this blog, I would really appreciate a letter of authentication. Well... you kinda can't do that since I didn't get it then. But I would still appreciate a letter saying you did give me a piece.



Ha, if I were a Facebook user, I'd probably be able to find Daryl.

Who Do I Blame for Not Starting Sooner?

This is Part II for my previous post Who Do I Blame?

LOL. I think I am going to revise that December 2003 chapter in my book. I'm going to call it The Fever and the Bug.

Who do I blame for not starting to study genealogy sooner? I have nobody to blame but myself. When the mini series, Roots, came on TV, I had just started my first quarter at Vernon Regional Junior College. Before I started college, I created some ground rules for myself that were non-negotiable. I had a study schedule that I decided would be strictly followed and failure to follow would mean potential disaster for my college career. I decided early on that I had to have a study schedule. I was working full time; a young airman in the Air Force, single and had previously gone to the Airman's Club to party, sometimes, even every day. I didn't need that kind of attitude or lifestyle bleeding into or disrupting my studies. I decided that if I made an exception for Roots, then I'd probably find an excuse to make exceptions for other good reasons. So when Roots came on, even though I could have taken just that one week to watch Roots, I decided not to because I was studying every evening from 7-9 unless I was in class that night.

Correction: ...every Sunday through Thursday evening from 7-9 unless... That still left Friday and Saturday for partying.

I could also blame the Youngstown Public School System and all of my teachers for not being more stimulating or motivating to offer some kind of genealogy project in the curriculum. Oh wait, there I am blaming myself again. It is not the fault of my educators that I wasn't motivated or stimulated towards that area of study. Here's a quote, "You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself." Galileo Galilei

Actually, I can think of occasions where a couple of specific teachers offered some sort of stimulation, I just did not run with it as I could have. First grade, learning to read. My life was certainly more exciting than Dick, Jane and Sally with their pets, Spot & Puff. I don't know if you had the same first grade readers that I had, but "See Dick and Jane. See Spot. See Spot run. Run, Spot, run." was not interesting reading. Third grade, tracing silhouettes of each other and cutting them out, then shuffling them to try determining who was who. Fourth grade, studying geography for the first time. Pedro and Maria were a brother and sister couple that were living in Argentina. Why didn't I take that opportunity then, to start learning more about my own life, culture and environment? Seventh grade; studying the Aztec Indians (or was it the Incas?)... I remember creating a diary project that aged the paper with tea and burned edges to look old. Or even eighth grade, memorizing and reciting The Gettysburg Address.

Still blaming myself, why did I not take lessons from life and death that were not part of my school curriculum? Lessons like remembering the I have a Dream Speech, or deaths of notable people like Martin Luther King Jr, John F. Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy. Why didn't I want to pay more attention to remember stories of my father or my Grandmother Clara? Another great opportunity to have started sooner is recounted when my Grandma Ella died in 1969. I could have take the 'discussion' "When was she born?" and ran with that. What about when I was in college? Attending Wayland Baptist University after Vernon, I had to take two religion classes. I took Old Testament and New Testament History. In the Old Testament History, the instructor, who was a Baptist Minister's wife, took us through the genealogy of Jesus. All that is time or opportunities that I cannot take back or relive. Right now, I cannot think of any other opportunities that I have passed or missed. But isn't that enough? That's more than enough. All I can say about that is that I'm so happy I'm on it now!

Are there any missed opportunities in your life?

Who Do I Blame?

Last Saturday, Randy Seaver posted his SNGF post Who's To Blame.

Hey geneaphiles - it's Saturday Night, time for more Genealogy Fun for all Genea-Musing readers.

Your mission, should you decide to accept it (and we need more of you to do this, otherwise it may end...), is to:

1) Read Brenda Joyce Jerome's post Who or What Do You Blame? on the Western Kentucky Genealogy blog. She asks these questions:

* Can you identify person or event that started you on this search for family information?

* Did you pick up researching where a relative had left off?

* Did your interest stem from your child's school project on genealogy?

* If you have been researching many years, it may be hard to pinpoint one reason for this journey.

2) Write your responses on your own blog, in a comment to this blog post, or in a note or comment on Facebook.



Below you will find an excerpt from my 'book'. It's not the first chapter, but is the first chapter that I wrote almost seven years ago.


Written December 2003:

The story behind this picture is one of several reasons that I chose to start studying genealogy. This picture was taken at Jerome's & Diana's (my son & daughter-in-law) wedding. The story behind the picture goes back of course to the planning of their wedding. Diana's father, Ray was deceased when Diana & Jerome married. I can tell Diana loved her father so much, she spoke of him often. So to honor Ray, Diana chose to walk down the aisle alone and to be not given away by a living person. Also as a tribute to Ray, along with all the other deceased relatives who couldn't come to the wedding in body, Diana decided to have a table of pictures. The pictures were of those folks to show how many were attending in spirit. The only living souls' pictures on the table were those of Diana and Jerome when they were younger.

I'm sure I heard of the plan to do this table tribute before that, but on 24 March prior to the wedding is when I can put a date to the plan of this table. I called family members to tell them to "bring pictures" and explained to them why. Among the calls I made were to my sister in law, YSB (Vonnie). During that conversation, Vonnie gave me a definition for this tribute. She said it's called libation and was derived from Swahili. I was so thrilled for the tribute to have a name, I had to go home and look up this word, libation.

Essentially the meaning of the word in context of the picture was spelling out the act of libation that I remember seeing in old movies and also on the streets of Youngstown as I grew up. The scene in the old movies would go something like this. A bunch of drunks would stand around as they were drinking a bottle of their favorite beverage. They would pour out a bit of the liquid; usually before they took the first sip themselves. And they would do so to commemorate those who were not in attendance; most often because they were deceased. I'm sure the original meaning was not for bunches of drunks to pay this tribute. As I looked at the definition, there were other meanings. Some religious in nature, as well as secular. As for the folks in Youngstown, they created their own meaning. Added to those who were deceased were those who were at that time in Viet Nam or those who were incarcerated.

As I start to write my personal & family history, you can see that I'm starting in the middle or you might even say near the end. Since the wedding of Diana & Jerome was only a year and a half ago, and there's no telling how much longer, I'm going to live… Farther along in the story, I'll share with you other reasons my love for genealogy is still going strong after a year and a half. Heck I can remember when I didn't even know how to spell the word, somehow I was trying to stick another o in it; a common misspelling of genealogy is geneology. And you know what? I didn't want to start the story with "I was born…" or "Once upon a time…". That's boring. I want this story to be one that will hopefully live on. And those who know me know that I love to tell stories.

As I reread this story, I see that the part about my great grandparents, Smith and Pinky are missing. All my life, I had known my grandmother Clara and had seen younger pics of her. I didn't know her husband but had seen a picture of him. I had never seen this picture of his parents.

Here is an excerpt from my blog, Sunday, January 17, 2010.

They are my favorites! When I first saw their photograph almost eight years ago, I said "Who are these people? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?" And wondered why I had never seen this picture before. That was the beginning for me. Almost eight years of finding more about my folks and finding more about myself that I didn't know before.

Further explanation goes that this is among the photos that were sent. Matter of fact, my cousin, FHNM (Fran) sent the Smith & Pinky photo about a week ahead even though she was coming to the wedding herself. I had been bitten by the bug in March; expecting that I would have descendants one day. The day I got that photo in the mail was THE day that I got the fever. If you take a look at the libation table photo, you can hardly tell, but Smith & Pinky are in the center back of the photos on the table.

Now, I blame my determination for finding the answer to My Simon and determination to write these stories; mine and my ancestors', to keep me on the genealogy path.

Thank you, Brenda, for providing the idea for last week's SNGF! And thanks to Randy for passing it forward!

Stay tuned for Part II.

I Remember Dr Enriquez

The delivering doctor's name on my son's birth certificate is Col. (military abbreviation for Colonel) Buttmiller. When I picked up his birth certificate, I burst out, "Who in the HELL is He?" I specifically remember that Saturday afternoon, Dr. Enriquez is who delivered my baby! (That's pronounced "Enrique" like Enrique Iglesias, but I've verified his name had a Z at the end). I considered to have his birth cert 'corrected'. Turns out that Dr. Enriquez was a resident. On this day at 1:08 pm every year, I think about him. Even though the official papers don't recognize his contribution to my life, I sincerely appreciate it and will never forget him. One thing I specifically remember about him is that he was Hilarious! I guess a sense of humor is not a prerequisite to be an ob/gyn. But then again, it's a requirement isn't it?

I have to tell you this to setup the story of how funny he was. Since this was my first child, I depended a lot on friends to tell me what to expect. Somebody advised my that I wouldn't get anything to eat regardless how many hours I was in labor. So I planned as I packed my bag, I was going to get something to eat before I left home. I was even at my bff Mary's house one day when false labor started and I literally ran home to get something to eat. Well that was a great plan that went out the window when labor awakened me about 3:30 Saturday morning. I paced, laid back down, got back up and paced some more. Back and forth, in and out of bed for about three hours.

Fast forward to the hospital about noon. Dr. Enriquez came to check on me and found I was only (some #) centimeters. He announced that he was going to lunch. I asked him to bring me a ham sandwich. He snickered, "Sure I will". Fast forward again to when Dr. Enriquez came back from lunch. He said that he 'forgot' to bring my sandwich, then he sounded out "Whoa, it's Time to Go!!!". At 1:08, pop pop, it was all over. Then again, that was just the beginning.

Happy Birthday, my son. And thank you Dr. Enriquez.

Black Friday Shopping

When I was in my teens and early 20s and I was a poster queen, one of the posters in my room was "Try everything once, and if it's fun, do it again!" This specific poster had an image of a roller coaster full of folks, crested the first hill and about to descend. Looked like they were having a blast.

Thursday Night about almost midnight, I decided to go along to the midnight madness shopping spree taking place. I had never done this before and had no intention to go this year. About 11:30 or so, I changed my mind. My son's fiance and her sister in law had already left to catch Toys R Us midnight doorbuster, his mother in law and I were to meet them there. We got almost to the store and got a text to not go. The line was wrapped around the store and only about 50 people were being admitted at one time. We met in another store parking lot to work out Plan B. Go to WalMart and browse even though the sale items were not being released until 5 am.

The four of us got to Wally World about 12:30 and there was a hustle and bustle of activity but not extremely overwhelming. We got a store map to see where the 5 am specials were going to be; laid out in various parts of the store. The majority of the specials were wrapped in pallet plastic and were labeled not to touch until 5. We could see that some of these pallet seals were broken already, first one we noticed was the video tapes. We browsed the store and started working our plan. I was really not intending to shop but my three grandkids needed pajamas and Wally World had fleece ones for $3, so I was in charge of PJs. Get one pair for my oldest, two pair for the middle one and the baby was getting three. I was also assigned getting PJs for the sister in law's three children.

After we scouted some of the other store items that were not on special, I had a half full cart (not my purchases, but collectively). By now, it's about 1:30 and all four had our assignments. The sister in law and I browsed back by the big kids' PJs and folks were selecting their styles and sizes but not adding to their cart, just stacking them up. Continuing to browse the store, we had two things in our (my) cart that was supposed to be on special but was not marked appropriately. A store employee informed us and took them back. OK, np. Continuing to browse the store, we noticed the same employee who confiscated our specials was overlooking some other customers' specials in their carts. By now, we are getting a little annoyed. We went back to the big girls' and big boys' PJs, got all of theirs into my cart. Went to the baby's PJ area and they were being guarded. Getting a little bit sleepy, the sister in law and I wanted coffee. She guarded the cart and I went to subway and got us each a cup. Back past the baby's PJ, they were still guarded. Since I was all done except for the baby's PJs and one toy item that I was assigned, I went to layaway to hang out and wait.

By now, it's about 2:30 and the store was really thinned out except for various isolated areas including the baby's PJs and electronics. About 40 computers were available for $300 and they were well guarded too although it looked like to me that one was missing. I was in the layaway area with maybe a half dozen other patrons waiting for 5 am. I noticed about 4:00 the store traffic was picking up again and 4:30 it was starting to get to be a madhouse. 4:45 I started heading to the baby's PJs. What would have been a 45 second shopping gait at most, took 17 minutes. Most of that 17 minutes I was waiting for someone to move along through the aisle or else I was having to go against the flow. I thought to myself, "Don't these people drive on the streets?", and mentioned a couple of times, "Go right, please".

Got to the PJs and picked up three pair of assorted characters just like that; 1, 2, 3; all in Eric's size 24 months. Eric would really not care what character was on his, so MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

During my two and a half hour wait, I spoke to a woman who got to Toys R Us at 11:30. She said she got into the store at 1:30 or 1:45. Got the four items she knew she wanted and waited in line from 1:50 to 3:10 to get checked out.

Realizing in time, frustration and lack of sleep, what did this cost me? How much did I gain? The PJs, I got Eric for his birthday that he was outgrowing cost $7. Based on $7, I guess regular price on the older kids' pajamas would be maybe $9. Six pair at regular price would have cost me $48, I paid $18. I will not count the shopping and browsing time, only the 2 and a half hours nonproductive time to wait until 5. My time being more valuable than $12 per hour, I may have been more fruitful had I actually planned to go on this venture, therefore better planned purchases. All in all, this is an experience I think I'd not enjoy to do again although I won't say at this time, "I'm not going".

btw, if you are a Wally World store employee, executive or whatever, don't ask which store this was, I'm not telling.